These beats are inspirations like a biblical statement
But I'm not looking for salvation
I'm just out here trying to make it
Staring through my vacant eyes don't know where to begin
To tighten up and even start from these loose odds and ends
I spend time with friends, cuz I'm a little scared of solitude
I sigh within and give a pound a say whats up to fools
But I hide my sins behind a grin and a flask of booze
But sorrows can swim so try to drown them and your bound to loose
Today I woke up with a new found sense of clarity
Feeling unstuck from them yesterdays that carried me
Stop pressing my luck, depending on second chances
Start laying some plans to set the course for your advancement
Stop considering success a cold dish of retribution
Start doing whats best for your life and its improvement
For my agnostic request I pause and kneel briefly
If there is something in heaven, let it reach me
CTR LEGACY THREAD
Moderators: TheBigSleep, stype_ones, Philaflava
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Steezel Weezel
- Posts: 1309
- Joined: Sun May 16, 2004 8:45 pm
siuh.edu
Eighty Four out of Two Thousand Nine
My rhymes trace my steps right back to my birthplace
My birthdate blessed me with the illness to reveal through ink
What I think to articulate my fate so y'all can feel this
And captivate onstage when church is in service
My purpose: deactivate the fangs of cynic serpents
And stir a vortex to consume those perplexed by the ways that I wreck it
Now check the method
My jaws are my weapons
Concealing the oxes I brandish when a simpleton is testing
The Silver Gentleman with tools of deception and a weak regiment
Place 'em underneath the pendulum
I spit razorblades through subjects and predicates
And medicate the uneducated with a healthy dose of etiquette
The seasoned veteran has a whole repertoire
For castigating cowardly degenerates
But that's another story - in Twenty Ten, I want the glory
So in Oh Nine I clock time inside my laboratory
Spinning silver out of sonic alchemy
And if you ain't follow me, believe I'll spit another allegory
For priests, punks, and prostitutes, my foes and my fam
For convicts and constables so they can understand
And the outcome is probable
Ain't you know that Gods were born in Staten Island University Hospital?
My rhymes trace my steps right back to my birthplace
My birthdate blessed me with the illness to reveal through ink
What I think to articulate my fate so y'all can feel this
And captivate onstage when church is in service
My purpose: deactivate the fangs of cynic serpents
And stir a vortex to consume those perplexed by the ways that I wreck it
Now check the method
My jaws are my weapons
Concealing the oxes I brandish when a simpleton is testing
The Silver Gentleman with tools of deception and a weak regiment
Place 'em underneath the pendulum
I spit razorblades through subjects and predicates
And medicate the uneducated with a healthy dose of etiquette
The seasoned veteran has a whole repertoire
For castigating cowardly degenerates
But that's another story - in Twenty Ten, I want the glory
So in Oh Nine I clock time inside my laboratory
Spinning silver out of sonic alchemy
And if you ain't follow me, believe I'll spit another allegory
For priests, punks, and prostitutes, my foes and my fam
For convicts and constables so they can understand
And the outcome is probable
Ain't you know that Gods were born in Staten Island University Hospital?
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Steezel Weezel
- Posts: 1309
- Joined: Sun May 16, 2004 8:45 pm
Dope rhymes about an unusual topic. Usually when I hear or read verses focused on atypical subjects in rap, it comes off as stilted or hamhanded. I don't get that feeling from this - it seems inspired and careful. I like the blunt images ("Sent to the front to fend amongst men on stretchers with stumps") more than those that seem a bit more sensationalized ("as their damp ankles freeze / To the sound of the rampant screams of amputees in agony"), but it's strong writing overall. It'd fit right into "Uncommon Valor". If they were talking about WWI, that is.
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Steezel Weezel
- Posts: 1309
- Joined: Sun May 16, 2004 8:45 pm
Are you on some spoken word?
I checked for this because I remember that I've liked stuff you've written before. This piece seems somewhat rambling, but the repetition in the last line is a great finish. I like the mood throughout - it's emotional but not histrionic, pensive but not mopey. And the line about urban anesthesia is dope.
Good job.
I checked for this because I remember that I've liked stuff you've written before. This piece seems somewhat rambling, but the repetition in the last line is a great finish. I like the mood throughout - it's emotional but not histrionic, pensive but not mopey. And the line about urban anesthesia is dope.
Good job.
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Steezel Weezel
- Posts: 1309
- Joined: Sun May 16, 2004 8:45 pm
n a t u r a l s e l e c t i o n
they lurk in the darkest of alleys
corners where dim streetlights flicker
welcome to the new hood where niggas
got no patience and they go no stations
in life , walking blocks livid, destructive
the crack game is too seductive
trifling times take tolls on these types
make one pound flip quick like it aint nothin
new gear, new whip and new tools in two days
and now these fuckas will get you in new ways
aint no two ways about it really
and dont act like you dont know the deally
see, life expectancy is an overstatement
and the sickle cell is nothing on this
i been to more funerals than that one wedding
cause cats are sleeping with the enemy with the burner under they bedding
trades? nah. i know dudes that are working on making a million
and the pursuit is crazy , where no one aint got no feelings
my concentrated inner hellhole , this the east
when you more concerned of getting popped by your own than the beast
trickle up economics dont affect us, them crooked politicians dont respect us
so we stay in the source with gorilla tactics , use the parks for target practice
and troop the subways downtown to escape the madness
maybe the mob set us all up for this when they infused the drugs into our
hood
and maybe between then and now we began to lose what is good
no one lets their kids play in the project parks no more because
they want to see them live to twenty one
fuck the statistics, natural selection is for everyone
corners where dim streetlights flicker
welcome to the new hood where niggas
got no patience and they go no stations
in life , walking blocks livid, destructive
the crack game is too seductive
trifling times take tolls on these types
make one pound flip quick like it aint nothin
new gear, new whip and new tools in two days
and now these fuckas will get you in new ways
aint no two ways about it really
and dont act like you dont know the deally
see, life expectancy is an overstatement
and the sickle cell is nothing on this
i been to more funerals than that one wedding
cause cats are sleeping with the enemy with the burner under they bedding
trades? nah. i know dudes that are working on making a million
and the pursuit is crazy , where no one aint got no feelings
my concentrated inner hellhole , this the east
when you more concerned of getting popped by your own than the beast
trickle up economics dont affect us, them crooked politicians dont respect us
so we stay in the source with gorilla tactics , use the parks for target practice
and troop the subways downtown to escape the madness
maybe the mob set us all up for this when they infused the drugs into our
hood
and maybe between then and now we began to lose what is good
no one lets their kids play in the project parks no more because
they want to see them live to twenty one
fuck the statistics, natural selection is for everyone
mother nature dont choose sides , bank account$ do
first a b r e a t h . . . . . .
then death
with a spectrum of space in the middle
this is life and it aint on my terms
jah bless me with strength to know my own self
and when i forget i remember , go back to the shelf
study the scriptures , and hold down my circle
in the circle complete , im typing this to a beat in my head
evryone is an oasis, and its up to you to irrigate or
draw bad water. the circle of life aint predetermened
this is for me this time , to see my center on the computer monitor
my momma knew i had a gift and my pops was afraid i couldnt use it
he said id be that nigga under the triboro bridge gettin off on that shit
and he said he wouldnt be around forever
like he refused the powers of imortality
my girl demands too much from me but i love her the same
and when i get too frustrated with it, i got myself to blame
i got 100 problems and my bitch is one
yet the world moves on but prolly not for long
the air gettin more grimey, waters all polluted
money fucked up around the world that greedy cats looted
and i know all this makes complete sense and sounds true
mother nature dont choose sides , bank accounts do
then death
with a spectrum of space in the middle
this is life and it aint on my terms
jah bless me with strength to know my own self
and when i forget i remember , go back to the shelf
study the scriptures , and hold down my circle
in the circle complete , im typing this to a beat in my head
evryone is an oasis, and its up to you to irrigate or
draw bad water. the circle of life aint predetermened
this is for me this time , to see my center on the computer monitor
my momma knew i had a gift and my pops was afraid i couldnt use it
he said id be that nigga under the triboro bridge gettin off on that shit
and he said he wouldnt be around forever
like he refused the powers of imortality
my girl demands too much from me but i love her the same
and when i get too frustrated with it, i got myself to blame
i got 100 problems and my bitch is one
yet the world moves on but prolly not for long
the air gettin more grimey, waters all polluted
money fucked up around the world that greedy cats looted
and i know all this makes complete sense and sounds true
mother nature dont choose sides , bank accounts do
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Voss
- Posts: 463
- Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:26 pm
- Location: In the field with a shield and a spear.
- Contact:
New verse
That no one will prolly read, since this forum is filled with tumbleweeds haha.
It'll be over the "Supervillain Theme" instrumental from Madvillainy, if that helps with the reading.
Michael V, liken me to an elephant
Never forgettinג this rap shitגs embedded in
My skeleton; developinג each verse with eloquence
A beacon of relevance in a sea of embellishments
Preach my gospel to the fellowship
Each apostle who follows Vossגll gain intelligence
The antithesis of ignorance
Try to catch the messages hidden in the sentences
In terms of significance
The differences between me and them are limitless
Consider this a New Era
Makin' you bitches shake in your fitteds; face it, the truth scares ya
They hate what they can not handle
So to open closed minds I drop anvils
Chop samples of my life to make art
Scorpion with lyrics, my rhyminג takes heart
It'll be over the "Supervillain Theme" instrumental from Madvillainy, if that helps with the reading.
Michael V, liken me to an elephant
Never forgettinג this rap shitגs embedded in
My skeleton; developinג each verse with eloquence
A beacon of relevance in a sea of embellishments
Preach my gospel to the fellowship
Each apostle who follows Vossגll gain intelligence
The antithesis of ignorance
Try to catch the messages hidden in the sentences
In terms of significance
The differences between me and them are limitless
Consider this a New Era
Makin' you bitches shake in your fitteds; face it, the truth scares ya
They hate what they can not handle
So to open closed minds I drop anvils
Chop samples of my life to make art
Scorpion with lyrics, my rhyminג takes heart
from one tumbleweed . haha i liked this
this group right here is solid:
The antithesis of ignorance
Try to catch the messages hidden in the sentences
In terms of significance
The differences between me and them are limitless
Consider this a New Era
Makin' you bitches shake in your fitteds; face it, the truth scares ya
this group right here is solid:
The antithesis of ignorance
Try to catch the messages hidden in the sentences
In terms of significance
The differences between me and them are limitless
Consider this a New Era
Makin' you bitches shake in your fitteds; face it, the truth scares ya
it's not bad by any means, relatively well-flowing piece with some cool multis
but you have to ask yourself...when do battle/boast rhymes about self get tired? if you don't want them to get tired, in my opinion, you have to have a logical or metaphorical connection from one multi to the next
just spittin "liken me to an elephant" loses weight if you don't connect what the fuck you meant wit the next line...it's just a bunch of multis thrown together then, feel me? WHY are the differences between you and them limitless? if they were, don't you think you would be spitting something they're not? cuz 99% of mcs spit about how they're better/different from others.
did i over-analyze? probably. but like you said "tumbleweeds" so i'm trying to give a little constructive crit
but you have to ask yourself...when do battle/boast rhymes about self get tired? if you don't want them to get tired, in my opinion, you have to have a logical or metaphorical connection from one multi to the next
just spittin "liken me to an elephant" loses weight if you don't connect what the fuck you meant wit the next line...it's just a bunch of multis thrown together then, feel me? WHY are the differences between you and them limitless? if they were, don't you think you would be spitting something they're not? cuz 99% of mcs spit about how they're better/different from others.
did i over-analyze? probably. but like you said "tumbleweeds" so i'm trying to give a little constructive crit
Nets 2022
in the suburbs they grow fake thugs
if you was the shit I'd stop crappin
if I was you I'd stop rappin
if I was you I'd start clappin or
I'd start askin what the fuck happened?
you claim you street? wake up
you wouldn't know a hood if it covered your face up
look I got a family to feed
and all that fuckin jewlery look like groceries to me
try to hire loyalty shit's not possible
when I throw a brick at your "it's unstoppable"
you're a faggot, a fake, a snitch
consist of 100 percent U iS DA bitch
cause when it's time to roll heat you talk all street
then you like "I'm cool" nah you got cold feet
try gettin bread in my hood, you get no wheat
you candy around here you seem so sweet
if I was you I'd stop rappin
if I was you I'd start clappin or
I'd start askin what the fuck happened?
you claim you street? wake up
you wouldn't know a hood if it covered your face up
look I got a family to feed
and all that fuckin jewlery look like groceries to me
try to hire loyalty shit's not possible
when I throw a brick at your "it's unstoppable"
you're a faggot, a fake, a snitch
consist of 100 percent U iS DA bitch
cause when it's time to roll heat you talk all street
then you like "I'm cool" nah you got cold feet
try gettin bread in my hood, you get no wheat
you candy around here you seem so sweet
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Gregg Popabitch1
- Career Leader in LOL's
- Posts: 29936
- Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:36 pm
- Contact:
first a b r e a t h . . . . . .
then death
with a spectrum of space in the middle
this is life and it aint on my terms
jah bless me with strength to know my own self
and when i forget i remember , go back to the shelf
study the scriptures , and hold down my circle
^^
from beginning to end of this excerpt, very nice and easy flow without convoluted rhyme or theme schemes. i dug
in the circle complete , im typing this to a beat in my head
evryone is an oasis, and its up to you to irrigate or
draw bad water. the circle of life aint predetermened
this is for me this time , to see my center on the computer monitor
^^
this part read/flowed awkward to me. it seems like you were keystyling/brainstorming and these lines were the transition into your next strong part:
my momma knew i had a gift and my pops was afraid i couldnt use it
he said id be that nigga under the triboro bridge gettin off on that shit
and he said he wouldnt be around forever
like he refused the powers of imortality
my girl demands too much from me but i love her the same
and when i get too frustrated with it, i got myself to blame
i got 100 problems and my bitch is one
yet the world moves on but prolly not for long
the air gettin more grimey, waters all polluted
money fucked up around the world that greedy cats looted
and i know all this makes complete sense and sounds true
mother nature dont choose sides , bank accounts do
^^
almost disjointed in terms of connection of themes from line to line, but after re-reading it these are a litany of problems that are interwoven, and again, i dug...
then death
with a spectrum of space in the middle
this is life and it aint on my terms
jah bless me with strength to know my own self
and when i forget i remember , go back to the shelf
study the scriptures , and hold down my circle
^^
from beginning to end of this excerpt, very nice and easy flow without convoluted rhyme or theme schemes. i dug
in the circle complete , im typing this to a beat in my head
evryone is an oasis, and its up to you to irrigate or
draw bad water. the circle of life aint predetermened
this is for me this time , to see my center on the computer monitor
^^
this part read/flowed awkward to me. it seems like you were keystyling/brainstorming and these lines were the transition into your next strong part:
my momma knew i had a gift and my pops was afraid i couldnt use it
he said id be that nigga under the triboro bridge gettin off on that shit
and he said he wouldnt be around forever
like he refused the powers of imortality
my girl demands too much from me but i love her the same
and when i get too frustrated with it, i got myself to blame
i got 100 problems and my bitch is one
yet the world moves on but prolly not for long
the air gettin more grimey, waters all polluted
money fucked up around the world that greedy cats looted
and i know all this makes complete sense and sounds true
mother nature dont choose sides , bank accounts do
^^
almost disjointed in terms of connection of themes from line to line, but after re-reading it these are a litany of problems that are interwoven, and again, i dug...
Nets 2022
your rhyme-writing is a combo of breezly brewin and a black-conscious but agnostic version of qwel
tons of references, though not necessarily POPULAR pop culture ones, too many for myself to grasp them all, but you do maintain a nice rhythm, my main interest would be how these words sound, obviously your pauses/pronunciations/inflections of several rather difficult phrases/words would influence how dope this really is....hard to appreciate it just on a computer screen...but yea real dope, and you always manage to keep a line-for-line logical string in your pieces, which is something 95% of rappers don't do or think of doing
tons of references, though not necessarily POPULAR pop culture ones, too many for myself to grasp them all, but you do maintain a nice rhythm, my main interest would be how these words sound, obviously your pauses/pronunciations/inflections of several rather difficult phrases/words would influence how dope this really is....hard to appreciate it just on a computer screen...but yea real dope, and you always manage to keep a line-for-line logical string in your pieces, which is something 95% of rappers don't do or think of doing
Nets 2022
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Gregg Popabitch1
- Career Leader in LOL's
- Posts: 29936
- Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:36 pm
- Contact:
you want analysis?
lyrics came off genuinely raw and gutter without looking like he was trying too hard.
a lot of cats try too hard trying to be witty, abstract, or conceptual and they just don't have it in them. behemoth makes no bones that he is who he is. and it shows up when he types something up.
lyrics came off genuinely raw and gutter without looking like he was trying too hard.
a lot of cats try too hard trying to be witty, abstract, or conceptual and they just don't have it in them. behemoth makes no bones that he is who he is. and it shows up when he types something up.
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Voss
- Posts: 463
- Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:26 pm
- Location: In the field with a shield and a spear.
- Contact:
There we go. Thanks fellas.Reason wrote:it's not bad by any means, relatively well-flowing piece with some cool multis
but you have to ask yourself...when do battle/boast rhymes about self get tired? if you don't want them to get tired, in my opinion, you have to have a logical or metaphorical connection from one multi to the next
just spittin "liken me to an elephant" loses weight if you don't connect what the fuck you meant wit the next line...it's just a bunch of multis thrown together then, feel me? WHY are the differences between you and them limitless? if they were, don't you think you would be spitting something they're not? cuz 99% of mcs spit about how they're better/different from others.
did i over-analyze? probably. but like you said "tumbleweeds" so i'm trying to give a little constructive crit
As far as the "elephant" shit, the next bar starts with:
"Never forgettin' this..."
I think you can piece that together, haha.
I've never been a fan of random multis. Or the word multis.
Fuck multis.
If the shit makes sense, and the words just happen to rhyme and sound good together, that's just a bonus haha.
Not on some condescending shit either, I ain't tryin' to write shit that people get instantly all the time.
And the"differences/limitless" shit IS just on some random boast rhymes, which I admit I ain't a big fan of either...but that beat is sinister as shit, and I just wrote a 16 to it cuz I ain't feel like extending it.
Therefore, I couldn't really expand much upon WHY I'm different, so I just said it. Meh.
I don't know how rappers who solely talk about how great they think they are don't get bored.
Ah well.
This is just a quick 10 minute 16 type thing, I suppose. Not to take a cop-out, cuz I am proud of it. But yeah I see your points, fo sho.
Thanks a lot for the constructive criticism homie, I really appreciate it.
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Gregg Popabitch1
- Career Leader in LOL's
- Posts: 29936
- Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:36 pm
- Contact:
fuck that, i love straight spittin/battle/self-aggrandizing rhymes.
as that, this was alright. from this, the fluidity of the verse looks like it's your strong suit. i can easily read this and follow a flow.
after the first 3 lines, i'm like "aight, this dude doesn't finish a thought at the end of the line but instead will continue it" but that kinda ended right there.
as for the content, not a big fan of the new era sequence. the andvil line seemed really cartoony which seemed like a different type of steez from the first 75% of the verse completely if that makes any sense at all. other then that, i thought it was alright.
as that, this was alright. from this, the fluidity of the verse looks like it's your strong suit. i can easily read this and follow a flow.
after the first 3 lines, i'm like "aight, this dude doesn't finish a thought at the end of the line but instead will continue it" but that kinda ended right there.
as for the content, not a big fan of the new era sequence. the andvil line seemed really cartoony which seemed like a different type of steez from the first 75% of the verse completely if that makes any sense at all. other then that, i thought it was alright.
This was okay. There have been people here who have pulled off a similar style much better.
For the meta-analysis - I think people in here might be inclined to overrated this verse simply because the concept is "thuggish" and bigging it up would be the default Ackbarian reversal chest puffing thing to do. I could be wrong though.
For the meta-analysis - I think people in here might be inclined to overrated this verse simply because the concept is "thuggish" and bigging it up would be the default Ackbarian reversal chest puffing thing to do. I could be wrong though.
^I'm mostly in agreement with Gregg here. The whole "spirit" of this verse is tangible and very much welcomed, if that makes sense ... but the content is still a little too meandering for my tastes. Also, a lot of these words and schemes have been used to death. You make decent use of them, but how many "intelligence/eloquence/relevance" schemes can we stomach in one lifetime?
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Voss
- Posts: 463
- Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:26 pm
- Location: In the field with a shield and a spear.
- Contact:
Good points, fellas.
No bullshit, as I wrote this I was thinkin' "damn I hope I don't come off like Canibus here"
Hopefully I don't, too much.
Or that one dude...Myjah I think? The "epistemology/anthropology/anesthesiology/kinesiology" guy.
Most of my work ain't really written this way...guess I was tryin' something "different" haha.
But yeah, I see what y'all are talkin' about.
I'd post more verses, but 9 times outta 10, they don't translate half as well on a screen than in person/on record.
I think I still will tho. Maybe.
No bullshit, as I wrote this I was thinkin' "damn I hope I don't come off like Canibus here"
Hopefully I don't, too much.
Or that one dude...Myjah I think? The "epistemology/anthropology/anesthesiology/kinesiology" guy.
Most of my work ain't really written this way...guess I was tryin' something "different" haha.
But yeah, I see what y'all are talkin' about.
I'd post more verses, but 9 times outta 10, they don't translate half as well on a screen than in person/on record.
I think I still will tho. Maybe.
knowledge up son.