stupidregister wrote:
Uhhh...Did you not get the memo?? This is the OFFICIAL 2013-14 Chicago Bulls Preview:
The Dirty:
Hey, last year was kinda fun right? Once you figured out Derrick wasn't coming back at all (which took people way too long to realize) then the pressure was off and everything was sort of a fuck-it-why-not attitude. Nate Robinson balling out of control, breaking the Heat streak on national telly, Thibs getting robbed for CoY, emergence of Jimmy Butler, first round playoff upset...Was damn proud to be a Bulls fan cause last year showed a lot of heart from a bunch of journeymen slapped together.
But that was last year. Now everyone's creaming their pants waiting for #TheReturn so we can all see how much higher his vert is this season. But this season is so much more than that...you'll see...
In:
Mike Dunleavy - God dammit, really? Who knew this dude was still in the league. Apparently Dun played well wherever the fuck he was last year, enough to warrant another classic Bulls overpay. Can't wait to ride his contract out for 2 years until they can sign another washed up guy for too much money. Plays on the wing like Deng, Butler, and Snell but fuck it, what's another SF on the roster.
Tony Snell - some rookie swingman that no one knows about. If someone tells you they knew who Tony Snell was before the Bulls drafted him, they're full of fucking shit. Supposedly can shoot so whatever the fuck ever. I'm not expecting much.
Mike James - who the fuck cares.
Out:
I'd just like to add that ever since Thibs and Rose have come on board, the Bulls have retooled their bench 3 years running. Cut costs and blah blah blah but Bellineli was cheaper than Dunleavy. Fuck GarPax. Anyway, I digress.
Nasty Nate - Oh Nate. You made everything so magical last year. It was special. I would have loved to see you in the backcourt with Rose, the two of you chucking up shots on alternating possessions, just not giving a fuck. But in all honesty dude...you need to see a doctor because there's something just not right in there. Still, you had the balls and the spark off the bench I feel will be sorely missed this year.
Marco B. - a total pro. Was in the doghouse because of his shitty D but played himself in a decent contract with the Spurs and stepped up down the stretch. Not afraid to take the last shot, something current teammates of Rose need to learn.
Vlad Rad - I think he played 4 minutes the whole year. Partied hard.
Richard Hamilton - Jesus Christ I thought he'd never leave. I was against this move from the very beginning and the dude was trash when he wasn't riding pine. Hope you enjoyed that 10 mil, you Jar Jar Binks looking motherfucker. Oh, and the Bulls are paying him $1 million this year to go away.
What Fans Expect:
#TheReturn
#UndefeatedPreseasonsTotallyCorrelateToWinningDuringThePlayoffs
#ThisIsOurYear
Bulls fans expect a championship. They expect 65 wins, a #1 seed, cruise to a win over Miami for the East crown and Rose to win MVP, Finals NBA, All-Star game MVP, Skills competition, 6th man, ROY, Comeback Player of the Year, Euroleague MVP and the Nobel Prize.
What Will Really Happen:
Except Bulls fans are stupid. They're meatballs. I mean who the fuck brags about going undefeated in the preseason? Bulls fans do, you dickheads. Bulls fans do. They're also the same ones that called Rose a pussy and will call him a choker or say he doesn't pass enough or whatever other bullshit they can come up with.
The truth is, you can't know what to expect because this season can go either way. The Bulls are in a shitty position. Deng is a free agent after this year and frankly, not worth the money he's getting now. I doubt he'll be willing to take a major paycut so you're left with overpaying an above average guy or letting him walk. Sounds simple right? Except the market this year fucking blows. The best of the best include Melo (fuck that), Kobe, Granger, Dirk, Pierce, Duncan/Z-Bo/Gay (player options) Personally, I would deal Deng at the first good offer and try and dump Boozer along with it and retool. Rose/Noah/Butler are a good core, Deng isn't going to get any better and maybe you can swing a deal to get a quality big man (Z-Bo) and try again.
They're not as good as Miami. Again. They'll push them because they have heart and the best D in the league but they still lack that athleticism and explosive #2 scorer.
Prediction:
Probably the best regular season team, again, and probably finish first in the Central winning 59 games +/- 2. But you know what that gets you? A flameout in the ECFs again, at best. Assuming they don't semi-blow it up on the fly. I think they're too pussy to pull off a major midseason deal and end up riding it out with Deng before overpaying him for the next 3-4 years.
Betting Line:
Over-Under on Carlos Boozer mishandling a rebound out of bounds after yelling "gimme that shit:" 60
