Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Discuss the world of entertainment; movies, tv, journalism and radio.

Moderator: drizzle

Spartan
Posts: 12800
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 9:29 am
Location: The Slaughtered Lamb
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Spartan »

Family (again).


User avatar
EMCEE DARTH MALEK
Posts: 9714
Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:51 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by EMCEE DARTH MALEK »

saw the trailer at the cinema last weekend, figured they were gonna stop making these. my sister dfw these movies at all but she said "hey that actually looks good"
1. Nas
2. Drake

that's pretty much it fam.

drizzle
Awesome Vatican Assassin
Posts: 55482
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:55 pm
Location: where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is as it seems

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by drizzle »

drizzle wrote:i hate to say it but i'm wondering if they've jumped the shark here

been worried about what happens without Paul and this isn't really restoring my faith
All these trailers are giving a weird cognitive dissonance where I find myself critiquing a Fast And Furious movie for the plot, which feels inherently idiotic to do. The submarine and the self driving cars and the gilding and all that shit looks straight, and that's exactly what I want from these movies, so who cares about the story. But still, I can't get past this dumbass fakeout heel turn or them working with Statham after he killed Han, and it's fucking with me. It's the wrong kind of dumb, dumb that's inconsistent with the premise on which the franchise was built on. Or something like that.

I really think XXX, which was awesome and the right kind of dumb, will turn out to be the better of the two.
http://www.steadybloggin.com - some of these are my thoughts yo

alpha
Posts: 13704
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:53 pm
Location: San Jose, CA
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by alpha »

Obviously still gonna see it, but agree 100% with you.

User avatar
EMCEE DARTH MALEK
Posts: 9714
Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:51 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by EMCEE DARTH MALEK »

i forgot who all the characters were tbh. statham betrayed them? ..................... i thought kylo killed han.
1. Nas
2. Drake

that's pretty much it fam.

User avatar
Ramen
Posts: 6775
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2009 12:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Ramen »

might have been the best one

Mindbender Futurama
Y.O.T.M.B.
Posts: 39450
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 11:47 am
Location: Toronto
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Mindbender Futurama »

Charlize Theron makes for a great villain

also: Michelle Rodriguez can express more acting emotion with one eyeball in one second than Vin Diesel can express with 5 minutes of dialogue and body language
You're in Heaven right now, God.
Create the universe you dream of.
http://www.mindbenderlovesyou.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Tommy Bunz
Posts: 17474
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Tommy Bunz »

This was entertaining at times but as an actual movie its pretty horrible. The franchise just doesn't work without Walker and Vin together.
And trying to fill the void by trying to make Statham part of the group is almost retarded as Dom's poorly executed heel turn.
Motherfucker killed Han and now he's trading jokes with The Rock?
If it weren't for the existence of 2 Fast 2 Furious, this would be the worst film in the franchise. They should have stopped after 7.

alpha
Posts: 13704
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:53 pm
Location: San Jose, CA
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by alpha »

I actually thought this worked a lot better than the last couple. 8,5,6,7 would be my order for the newer movies. Statham joining the gang is a bit stupid but they at least tried to give him qualities that made him seem redeemable.

Tommy Bunz
Posts: 17474
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Tommy Bunz »

You're out of your damn mind.

User avatar
Ramen
Posts: 6775
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2009 12:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Ramen »

definitely top 3 in the series

Mindbender Futurama
Y.O.T.M.B.
Posts: 39450
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 11:47 am
Location: Toronto
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Mindbender Futurama »

they made it ALMOST believeable that Ludacris and the Rock could outrun a submarine and a torpedo, like I enjoyed how much I ALMOST thought it was realistic

when Deus Ex Vin Diesel came flying over the mountain and ricocheted perfectly causing a multi-rocket chain reaction, I was like :rofl: :hooray:

Fast & Furious just jumped the shark, but the shark was doing the Bat-usi, so nobody was looking at the muscle car officially acting like a cartoon

when are they gonna drive to the moon is what I want to know... or at least just driving around in space
You're in Heaven right now, God.
Create the universe you dream of.
http://www.mindbenderlovesyou.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

alpha
Posts: 13704
Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:53 pm
Location: San Jose, CA
Contact:

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by alpha »

Tommy Bunz wrote:You're out of your damn mind.
I meant 5,8,6,7.

drizzle
Awesome Vatican Assassin
Posts: 55482
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:55 pm
Location: where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is as it seems

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by drizzle »

Tommy Bunz wrote:This was entertaining at times but as an actual movie its pretty horrible. The franchise just doesn't work without Walker and Vin together.
And trying to fill the void by trying to make Statham part of the group is almost retarded as Dom's poorly executed heel turn.
Motherfucker killed Han and now he's trading jokes with The Rock?
If it weren't for the existence of 2 Fast 2 Furious, this would be the worst film in the franchise. They should have stopped after 7.
finally saw this and yea I'm mostly with Tommy here. It's watchable but the magic is gone.

The only part of this that still had a recognizable F&F feel was the opening. Dom winning a street race in a car that's literally exploding is what this series is all about. The rest feels like a weird forced mashup of trying to replicate what worked in the last few movies while also trying to find somewhere new for the series to go, and it just doesn't add up to anything particularly exciting or satisfying. Theron had potential but felt mostly wasted, Russell didn't bring much to the table either.

There are some good action scenes, I really liked the prison fight and the NY scene with the self-driving cars. The submarine shit was cool but at that point it felt like they're trying too hard to one up themselves. Overall, for a movie that literally exists as an excuse to stage action scenes there's actually not that much action and way too many scenes of people staring at screens and mumbling random tech jargon.

The Dom twist is just a hook for the movie to exist and doesn't have any real resonance, and the rest of the team feels mostly perfunctory. It's not like the previous movies were dramatic powerhouses or anything, but at least they had some sense of stakes and a dynamic between principals that fit with the context established over the course of the series, here all that is sidelined in an effort to juggle the parts that seem most marketable and provide the most sequel potential. The only relationship that kinda works is Hobbs' budding bromance with Shaw, and that in itself tells you the franchsize as we knew it has run its course.
http://www.steadybloggin.com - some of these are my thoughts yo

Tommy Bunz
Posts: 17474
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Tommy Bunz »

Word. Re-reading my post makes it sound like I hated the movie when I still enjoyed it quite a bit; it's the movie equivalent of hate-fucking Tomi Lahren.
The prison fight where they simultaneously track Hobbs and Shaw as they fight on two different floor levels is legitimately amazing though, have to agree with you there. By far the best part of the movie for me.

drizzle
Awesome Vatican Assassin
Posts: 55482
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:55 pm
Location: where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is as it seems

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by drizzle »

I would honestly rather see a movie about Hobbs & Shaw doing dirt dirt for Kurt Russell than another forced attempt at trying to squeeze something of Dom & co grunting about family.
http://www.steadybloggin.com - some of these are my thoughts yo

Tommy Bunz
Posts: 17474
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:02 am

Re: Fast & Furious 7 Masturbation thread

Post by Tommy Bunz »

It's a shame that Walker died because it fucked up Russell's role, he was supposed to be Brian's dad in 7 but they had to rewrite everything. The attempt to replace that role/relationship with Scott Eastwood did not work at all.

Post Reply