Name: Luke Skywalker
Homeworld: Tatooine
Quote: But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!
Details: Cracker farm boy. Whines a lot in the first movie. Easy to convert into religion.
ric says: a caring guy. he tries so hard to do so much good stuff and it doesnt always work out for him. ill say this for the guy; anybody who can (1) get their hand chopped off by the guy who claims to be their estranged father (2) go through the period of cognitive dissonance required to process that information completely (3) still be mindful enough of his circumstances and surroundings to choose potential suicide (probably after force feeling his way down into the fucking clouds by the way) (4) and then maintain that forcey connection with his long lost dad anywhere in the fucking galaxy and then (5) go on a mission to murder his dad after not really feeling that bad about the whole abandonment thing then (6) ultimately ends up feeling sorry for the old bastard and gives him a proper tribal buriel and shit; that dude deserves some props. wields the cool white blue and green swords which look really awesome especially in the black covert ops gear that he sports later on. blows the shit out of an entire blockade of lasers and fighter ship things going only on feelings with no targeting devices and shit? i mean thats pretty talented.
Name: Princess Leia Organa (thirty year old spoiler - Leia Skywalker)
Homeworld: Alderaan
Quote: Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerd-herder!
Details: Ballsy tom-boy broad getting more feminine looking with each movie. Achieves wank status with the sex slave bronze bikini look. Remembers what her real mom looked like when she was only a few seconds old. Snogged her twin brother.
ric says: shes pretty much in charge of the losers/winners. shes smarter than most everybody else and doesnt really take shit from retarded nerf herders or evil lords. she makes friends easily even among tribal natives and so forth. heart of gold. cool weaves and outfits that change with the occasion and season. a seasoned diplomat who also knows how to wield a gun and doesnt give a fuck about wading into the thick of battle because of her love and passion for the cause and shit like that. shes probably rich as fuck too. great body without being super annorexic. great face at all times. looks like a decent kisser. enjoys giving orders but when appropriate can share power and good times with fuzzy creatures or fellow politicians/generals or render herself docile when under the thumb of a man in control. afraid of needles. big plus. looks great in concubine gear.
Name: Han Solo
Homeworld: Corellia
Quote: Look, I ain't in this for your revolution, and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money.
Details: Drug smuggler with a fast tongue and shoot first and then ask questions later mentality. Rolls with seven foot tall walking carpet as his wingman. Owner of the Millennium fucking Falcon, son.
ric says: nobody really gives a shit about him because hes kind of a douche but hes a fucking smuggler so what else is he supposed to do? will definitely worm his way into your heart though. he knows how to handle himself in a tight situation which is handy. luckiest dude in the galaxy no doubt. he snags the bitch in the end too. wears a cool vest and has a decent haircut. also knows like a zillion languages. but then again hes a smuggler - he would be able to understand like a billion languages. well traveled though, so you gotta respect that. also knows some of the coolest dudes like lando and jabba and so forth even if hes on douchey terms with them he still knows them; clearly a smuggler of some reknown and quality. also probably a decent cheater at games. smooth operator who knows how to improvise. roguish smile. arguably the coolest pistol gun in the whole series. shits like a fucking laser magnum thing. also owning and maintaining the millennium falcon is pretty sweet. no real need to explain why.
Name: Chewbacca
Homeworld: Kashyyyk
Quote: Arrrr Raaararooow!
Details: Wookie.Super strong and really fucking hairy. Loyal to the core. Rolls with Han Solo in the flyest hunk of junk in the galaxy.
Name: Lando Calrissian
Homeworld: Sorocco
Quote: I've just made a deal that'll keep the Empire out of here forever.
Details: Gambler. Ran Bespin's Cloud City before shit got real. Previous owner of the Millennium Falcon. Flirtatious.
Name: Obi-Wan Kenobi aka Ben Kenobi
Homeworld: Stewjon
Quote: Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?
Details: Jedi Master. Hates blasters. Turns lies into half truths. Does great sound effects to scare Sand People away. Suicidal in his senior years. Taught a bad apple.
Name: Yoda
Homeworld: Unknown. Spent his last years living on the swamp planet Dagobah.
Quotes: Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things.
Details: Nine hundred year old short green dude and pretty unfuckwitable in the entire galaxy.
