Jhelli Beam tour featuring Busdriver, Ab Rude, and myself

[Employee]

employee, you are an anonymous internet shitstain who only exists on this message board. nobody on this board has ever even seen your face. you are probably one of the most miserable people on this planet. the only little bit of information people have on you is that you're asian, divorced and really love rap music. congrads. have a good life of posting b dolan songs for a reaction and making fun of canadian rap music. if you ever stop posting here, its probably because you hung yourself because you have no outside life except maybe some shitty office job with a fast internet connection that allows you to live here on this board....its basically like an role playing game for you because this is your only life.

Reitirating, faggot, this is you:


I've crossed paths with Ayentee, Sole, Lush One and Slug to name a few at various points/places. I don't announce myself because I don't give a fuck who knows who I am, what I look like, where I live etc. It's morphed into a long-running joke and I'm not about to stop it. A picture of me was posted a long time ago, the fact that no one saved it is dumbfounding considering the amount of ire I provoke in anorexic, wannabe-rapper queerbaits like yourself. So delusional to shed your former self, you're futilely raging against the undeniable reality of your upbringing in the northern Bible Belt where pseudoephedrine is more crucial to survival than water.

You have no prospects at a successful career in rap.
You have no prospects at a successful career outside of a rap.
The next time you see a mic: Don't speak into it. Sit on it.

Like everything else about you, your rebellion is manufactured. Why am I not surprised that you referenced Da Baby Raperz tunes in the course of your menstrual spill? You aren't a revolutionary, bitch. You're a toothpick with a Boots Riley complex who is a streak of bad luck away from a lifetime of disability checks or a lifetime spent in a T.G.I. Friday's apron.

[MC Homeless]

With that said funny guy, I guess I still wouldn't be an anonymous divorced philaflava cult personality who isn't necessarily even funny, just always present. I have a great time seeing the world for free, you have a great time sitting in your cubicle listening to albums by Epic to quote and post in five different threads. THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!! No exaggeration, and if I was exaggerating, what is the longest you have gone without posting? I may be a skinny rapper nerd from Youngstown with a stupid Ohio tattoo but I have been having the time of my life and not compormising myself for anything or anyone and I get to tour Europe with one of my favorite rappers so you cant really bring me down man.

I wish you would have identified yourself so Senorhaha could have beat you up like he promised. Every message board has one like you, Employee, just another mediocre douchebag shit talking from the safety of his cubicle before he goes home to jerkoff and cry himself to sleep listening to pm dawn records.

[Employee]

Reitirating, faggot, this is you:

You're either rehearsing for a musical based on the series "Oz" or singing Aimee Mann songs to your cousin who was originally cast in the lead role of "Gummo" and a sweaty goiter removed from the neck of Ted DiBiase.

With that said funny guy, I guess I still wouldn't be an anonymous divorced philaflava cult personality who isn't necessarily even funny, just always present.

And I'm relatively comfortable with my perch here if the alternative means being Andy Dick's doppleganger and starving myself until I am small and flexible enough to fit inside Noah23's suitcase and be smuggled into Croatia to bust a rhyme of that new funk to amputees and teenagers who've never seen or can afford so much as a stick of deodorant. Much less a CD-R from some Mom and Dad told me I wasn't an accident, but a surprise Yankee with a chain wallet.

I have a great time seeing the world for free

If you're an accomplished international jetsetter, why the fuck do you care if a few people find me funny on a website you sig out with your MySpace page because your "promo budget" also includes your caloric per diem?

Note I bolded the "free" portion because the last paycheck you received was for handjob services provided to American businessmen stopping over in Hamburg, Germany.

you have a great time sitting in your cubicle listening to albums by Epic to quote and post in five different threads. THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!!

The funniest part is I actually get paid while I do it. Instead of worrying about where my next organic tofu patty is coming from, I'm listening to Ghostface and Tina Turner eating chicken nuggets and smoking cigarettes.

No exaggeration, and if I was exaggerating, what is the longest you have gone without posting?

Four-years, Griff Jenkins. Can you chart the longest stretch of time during which you didn't send Peanuts & Corn a demo wrapped in pantyhose you eBay'd from Bahamadia?

I may be a skinny rapper nerd from Youngstown with a stupid Ohio tattoo but I have been having the time of my life and not compormising myself for anything or anyone and I get to tour Europe with one of my favorite rappers so you cant really bring me down man.

If I can't bring you down, why the fuck are you tussling with me? Get off the computer and cook up some more of that raw, revolutionary shit that gets recycled in term papers. Headspin across the gypsy-dotted terrain of Slovenia to the applause of villagers and healers from da mountainz. Do you honestly think you're breaking any new ground? Wow!! You make music that no one - no one - who posts here would listen to or purchase. Ever. For any reason. That has to hurt, man. Shit, that has to sting the soul.

After your whirlwind twenties are over the only thing you'll ever do is compromise. Vows of poverty in the name of art are cool and shit, but you're not even remotely talented. Want to do something groundbreaking? Pay a house note. Pay electricity. Pay gas. Pay water. Pay garbage. Pay groceries. Pay cable. Pay property taxes. Pay income taxes. Pay social security taxes. Until then shut the fuck up and remain in Europe as long as they'll keep you.

Every message board has one like you, Employee, just another mediocre douchebag shit talking from the safety of his cubicle before he goes home to jerkoff and cry himself to sleep listening to pm dawn records.

And every message board has hundreds like you: Unsuccessful, rhythmless, "socially conscious", cretinous pasteoids who had a MySpace page before their first bar was ever put to paper.

[the brow]

/

[Voss]

Jesus Emp.

I got off lucky.

[Mindbender Futurama]

[MC Homeless]

I know what you are going to do tonight employee. Go to your house and post half naked pictures of girls in "Party and Bullshit" repeatedly while your ex-wife is probably out fucking someone way less bitter and pathetic than you. I'm glad you traded in a wife and (sex) life for a life of Philaflava emoticons and funny little quips. You haven't got to me, I have gotten to you and am loving egging you on.

You go to my myspace like a fucking creep and pick apart pictures and talk about my appearance like the fucking closeted homo that you are.

Anal Cunt made a song called "you look divorced" and I think it was about you...so you may have "gotten me" but this is just a battle, but you will never win the war. YOU ARE ALONE AND DIVORCED, YOU MAY FUCK A FAT CHICK ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR but most of your time is spent on this message board which I come to for entertainment. I don't care if anyone buys my cd on here and am perfectly fine with fans named Sven from far off European countries who memorize the words to my vinyl. I am very comfortable with my stupid pictures because AT LEAST I HAVE FUCKING BALLS TO PUT THEM UP.

Why don't you post a picture of yourself you fucking pussy? I think you are afraid. This isn't a "running joke", its you hiding behind anonimity This is all you have left in this life, without philaflava, you would have probably died the way David Carradine did. Sad and pantsless, hanging in an apartment only to be found a week later so thank Jason Gloss for giving you a reason to get up in the morning. Have fun suffering 'til the end when the epitaph on your grave reads " "

[djjeffresh]

thread is

[sean]

does that mean ass licking?

[sean]

I'm listening to Ghostface and Tina Turner eating chicken nuggets and smoking cigarettes.

i wanna add this to my sig, but it says my sig is too long with the dang techno sports remix thing.

damnit.

[Mindbender Futurama]

I'm listening to Ghostface and Tina Turner eating chicken nuggets and smoking cigarettes.

i wanna add this to my sig, but it says my sig is too long with the dang techno sports remix thing.

damnit.

happens to me all the time. its a sad moment when Philabot says "slow your roll".

[Employee]

Reitirating, faggot, this is you:

I know what you are going to do tonight employee.

Now I know who is hiding in my bushes at night and writing "I RUBBED MY PENIS FEARLESSLY FOR YOU" in lipstick on my garage door.

Go to your house and post half naked pictures of girls in "Party and Bullshit" repeatedly

Nah, man. I'll be fucking with this Kindle and acquiring more knowledge to enrage your politically correct ovaries.

while your ex-wife is probably out fucking someone way less bitter and pathetic than you.

You sat that like it's a task of the herculean caliber. I'm more discontented than Clint Eastwood in "Gran Torino."

I'm glad you traded in a wife and (sex) life for a life of Philaflava emoticons and funny little quips.

In all seriousness, it's preferable to cohabitating with a catty female who is adept at highlighting your mediocrity whenever the wind blows or the earth spins. Is it the same with guys or are they in tune with their feelings and keen on sustaining your relationship?

You haven't got to me

Are the multiple paragraphs you've written about and directed at me in the last several hours a cunning ruse concocted by a Hip Hop genius who attained his greatness by surviving Darvocet withdrawls at birth?

I have gotten to you and am loving egging you on.

This is playtime, girl. Your labia hangs low.

You go to my myspace like a fucking creep and pick apart pictures and talk about my appearance like the fucking closeted homo that you are.

It's clear to anyone who knows how to use their thumbs (even in the dark) that you look like a malnourished, bisexual roadie for The Killers. I mean, who, other than the blind, wouldn't laugh at you until they couldn't muster oxygen? One can only imagine the horror your parents routinely experience at the sight of their offspring.

Anal Cunt made a song called "you look divorced" and I think it was about you

Deep, ho. Perhaps its contents hold a life-changing, cathartic experience granting me the power to slap you with my cock from anywhere on the globe.

...so you may have "gotten me" but this is just a battle, but you will never win the war.

You played yourself a long time ago. All you're doing now is using your keyboard and chromosome deficiency as a shovel.

YOU ARE ALONE AND DIVORCED, YOU MAY FUCK A FAT CHICK ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR

Divorced? Yes. Banging portly gals on the reg? No. Alone? No. My girl lives with me and is pursuing her post-graduate studies in Sociology. Have you been to one of those before? A learny-thingy building?

but most of your time is spent on this message board which I come to for entertainment.

They say even faggots with butholes that can only be examined by pictures from the Hubble Telescope need entertainment.

I don't care if anyone buys my cd on here and am perfectly fine with fans named Sven from far off European countries who memorize the words to my vinyl.

I've deduced you don't give a fuck about profit and you have a special affinity for European guys named Sven. Have fun on your next group "Find the Secret IKEA Gloryhole" trip.

I am very comfortable with my stupid pictures because AT LEAST I HAVE FUCKING BALLS TO PUT THEM UP.

Well, I'd advise against it for numerous reasons. A few being:
1. You are an unrelenting faggot.
2. You have a sense of faggotry that is constant.
3. You like the texture of your faggaciousness.

Why don't you post a picture of yourself you fucking pussy?

Because I am an ugly guy and not doing it stirs up anger in coke-line thin white rappers usually only found in pubescent teenage girls with alcoholic parents and body dysmorphia.

I think you are afraid. This isn't a "running joke", its you hiding behind anonimity This is all you have left in this life, without philaflava,

Gosh, I mean, wow.....I felt like you were genuinely speaking to the real me, the real Employee. The nice guy who prevents the sexual assaults of senior citizens and patrols the neighborhood at night in a suit of Gucci armor and resentment.

you would have probably died the way David Carradine did.

You mean like I was BALLIN'???!!! Don't hate the player, son. There are girls out there who will let you do a lot more than merely slide a pinki in their asses.

Sad and pantsless

Seeing as that's my general M.O. now, I can't complain.

thank Jason Gloss for giving you a reason to get up in the morning.

My thanks is in the form of daily sheckles, specifically requested Ras Kass MP3 uploads and a detailed account of what transpired on the previous day's "The View."

Have fun suffering 'til the end when the epitaph on your grave reads ":arrow: "

I will if you do the same and the epitaph on your grave (which will be the hollowed out, hand-painted penile shaft of Bigfoot) will read: "HERE LIES A MAN WITH A BRONZED UTERUS, A RAP CAREER THAT CLOSELY RESEMBLED A BRUTAL PRISON RAPE AND A JOSH MARTINEZ TATTOO ON HIS URETHRA"


PS - Never kiss the ring privately while you're pretending to piss on it publicly, bitch:

From: MC Homeless
To: Employee
Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 2:03 am
Subject: the truth hurts

I do find some of the stuff you post a little bit humorous but you know you are a sad man with a bland life outside of this message board. Its cool though man, you did give me some laughs in this funny little message board argument.

[Mindbender Futurama]

WOW x

is outta control today.

fun fact: saw my first Kindle today. that thing is nuts. Employee is a truu AZN

let the slaughtering continue

[mike eagle]

so uh...tour was fun.

[LameAim]

Christ.

[Mindbender Futurama]

so uh...tour was fun.

how was the Toronto show for you? Lee's Palace is a cool spot to rock... really wish I was able to meet you this time.

[mike eagle]

so uh...tour was fun.

how was the Toronto show for you? Lee's Palace is a cool spot to rock... really wish I was able to meet you this time.

my last date was chicago. Im sure they tore it down...Vancouver was incredible...except for Hastings st.

[Mindbender Futurama]

so uh...tour was fun.

how was the Toronto show for you? Lee's Palace is a cool spot to rock... really wish I was able to meet you this time.

my last date was chicago. Im sure they tore it down...Vancouver was incredible...except for Hastings st.

yeah, fucking Hastings St. was like the location for Woody Harrelson's new movie "Zombieland", mixed with the "Enterprise" from New Jack City. That place is heroin hell on earth.

ask Conspiracy about Hastings, people. I doubt he'll say anything though.

Vancouver changed him forever. This is the first time I've publicly admitted it, but I'll always hate a piece of Vancouver. I also was there on tour and just got to my room when I was called and told ODB was dead.

yeah, I hate Vancouver more, right now. I gotta go

[sean]

too many employee quotables.

i think you broke my laugh.
it's fucking broken.
no worries, i have health insurance.

[HomeSkillet]

You like the texture of your faggaciousness.

[ardamus]

that PM was suicide. damn.....

[MC Homeless]

that PM was suicide. damn.....

how? the fact that i find employee amusing? i told him the truth hurts because he knows everything i said is true and nobody will fight with him because he is ridiculous and theres no way to win.

[MC Homeless]

Mindbender, maybe we can do a collab track? I'll wear my wig and you can dress in womens makeup and panties again.

[thekeentwo]

Mindbender, maybe we can do a collab track? I'll wear my wig and you can dress in womens makeup and panties again.

post-ether gasping-for-air last-ditch-effort bender dis.

i like hyphens