Hard Knocks: NY Jets Thread

Kid That's Lifeless · Post by **Kid That's Lifeless** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:42 pm

Fun fact: I live in the apartment complex where Dungy's son killed himself.

Website · Post by **Random Sample** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:52 pm

Tony Dungy is an idiot.

Nl5H · Post by **Nl5H** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 10:37 pm

damn cromartie got mad kids.

peanut butter · Post by **peanut butter** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:53 pm

Nl5H wrote:damn cromartie got mad kids.

His attempt to remember all their names was hilarious.

PEACE

VideoKilledThe · Post by **VideoKilledThe** » Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:43 am

at Sanchez complaining about having to pay .59 cents for dipping sauce. You're a millionaire!

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elohim · Post by **elohim** » Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:19 am

Have a feeling(/hopin) Rex will be droppin a few more F-bombs in next Wednesday's episode after the first team offense's performance tonight.

Rex post game:
"I told John Fox, 'it looked like a pillow fight out there.'"

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:20 pm

Jets & Mangold have agreed on a 7 year, $55 mil deal. It's not Revis, but really glad another of the 'core 4' is locked up long term. One less headache for a team that still has Harris, Cromartie, Edwards and Holmes all due for extensions at the end of the year.

Speaking of Revis, Tim Cowlishaw has been claiming on Twitter that Revis and the Jets have already agreed on a deal, but are waiting to reveal it until the next episode of Hard Knocks (article). Real skeptical about that, tho.

Also, thanks for reminding us you're still a fag, Tom. "Talk is cheap," indeed.

Tom Brady wrote:Honestly, I haven't turned it on. I hate the Jets, so I refuse to support that show. ... I'm sure it's great TV. I'm glad people are liking it. But that's just something that I have no interest in watching. I'd love to say a lot of mean things, but I'd rather not do that, either.

Rex Ryan wrote:Hell, he knows we hate the Patriots, so whatגs the difference?. ... It's great. Hey, join the club. ... My brother has a couple of Super Bowl rings so he loved Tom Brady. I donגt have them so I donגt like Tom Brady. I respect him, but I donגt like him.

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:01 am

Episode 3:
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=SJBZGUH0

Possibly my favorite so far...

'Fore we forget about the Dunge.... (:didntread: I know, but shit's pretty funny)

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/201 ... -ryan.html

Tony Dungyגs Visit To Camp Ryan

Mark Sanchez: Itגs really great you could come and visit us as we get ready for the season, Coach Dungy.

Tony Dungy: Yes, well Iגm looking forward to seeing just how business is conducted around here.

Sanchez: Oh, you donגt have to worry about that, Coach Dungy. Coach Ryan isnגt the brash loudmouth I think the media tends to portray him as.

Dungy: Oh really?

Sanchez: No, sir.

Dungy: So itגs all made up, is it?

Sanchez: Oh, yes sir. Most definitely.

Dungy: The swearing?

Sanchez: Coach Ryan may let his mouth get the best of him from time to time, but not more than most coaches Iגve had.

Dungy: And what about the hookers? And the drinking? And the ritualistic animal sacrifices?

Sanchez: Total urban legend, sir. We donגt do any of that sort of thing around here. Itגs 100% football. No funny business.

Dungy: Really.

Sanchez: Yes, sir.

Dungy: Well, I certainly hope youגre right. Iגll be making a full report of my findings here today.

Sanchez: You wonגt be disappointed, sir.

Dungy: And where is Coach Ryan? Iגm eager to meet with him.

(ground rumbles)

Sanchez: Oh, I think thatגs him right now. You might want to stand back.

(door flies open)

Ryan: HOW THE FUג¦ UUUג¦ UNKY CHICKEN YOU BOYS DOING?!

Sanchez: Hey, Coach.

Ryan: Well, well, well. Tony Dungy! Boys, did yגall say hey to Coach Dungy?

Everyone: Hey, Coach Dungy.

Ryan: Good to meet you, sir!

(offers Dungy his hand, Dungy ignores it)

Dungy: I plan on making a thorough inspection of the premises, Coach Ryan.

Ryan: Uh huh. Well, have a look around! Nothinג queer round here, Tony! Mind if I call you The Dunge?

Dungy: Yes.

Ryan: Glad you like, Dunge. Anyway, you just go off and have yourself a look at the grounds. Iגll stay here and address my boys.

Dungy: Actually, Iגll stay and listen, if YOU donגt mind. I understand youגre quite the orator. Iגd like to see if you can inspire men without resorting to guttural language or explicit calls to violence.

Ryan: Ummג¦ uhג¦ okay. You sure? Cause we got a team chaplain, and Lord knows he could use someone to talk to around here.

Dungy: Iגll stay.

Ryan: Suit yourself, Dunge!

Sanchez: How you doinג today, Coach?

Ryan: Oh, men. MEN. Men, you would not believe the shג¦

(looks over)

Ryan: ג¦uhג¦ PRAYER I had this morning!

Sanchez: Was it a big prayer?

Ryan: HUGE! Darn near clogged the church with it. Iגm tellinג you, men. You start off the day with a PRAYER like that? A big, hulking PRAYER that breaks off and splashes you in the face? Thereגs no better way to start the day. I mean, you could hear me doing that PRAYER from Anchorage. Prayed like a CHAMP.

Dungy: So this was a prayer?

Ryan: MASSIVE prayer. Trust me, I was talking to God all the way through it! Now, men! First order of business today: BOUNTIES. Now, that Tom Brady has been talkinג shiג¦ ngles about us in the media. Well, I donגt like that sort of thing. NO ONE RUNS MY BOYS DOWN! Thatגs why Iגm putting a bounty on that man.

Ryan: And, by Bounty, of course, I mean Bounty: the delicious chocolate candy bar. From Europe, I believe. Itגs got dark chocolate AND coconut! Thatגs a real fine Bounty. Better than a Mounds, if you ask me! I want one of you to gift wrap a box and send it to Tom.

Sanchez: Really?

Ryan: Yep! Yep, thatגs exactly what I want! You send him a gift, to let him know that Rex Ryan believes that offering an olive branch is the dignified way to resolve any conflict! Be sure to include a few PRAYERS in the box for him as well. You got it?

Sanchez: Yes, sir.

Ryan: Second order of business: NICKNAMES. Cromartie, your new name is Dalmations.

Cromartie: Why Dalmations?

Ryan: Cause you got 101 of them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(looks over)

Ryan: Oh, come on, that was funny.

Dungy: Thereגs nothing funny about the plight of African American children growing up without good fathers.

Ryan: Oh, Dalmations is a great dad! Arenגt ya, Dalmations?

Cromartie: Yes, sir.

Ryan: Just last week, I saw him let his three-year-old drive his Mustang! Now, you show me another dad that loves his kid enough to leave them alone with a fine, fine piece of equipment like that.

Ryan: Okay! Well then, time for the third order of businessג¦

(looks at agenda and sees PUSSY listed third)

Ryan: Letגs just skip to the fourth order of business: The weekend. Now, we got the Redskins here on Friday night. So I thought, going with that theme, we all hit Foxwoods on Saturday. WHOגS UP FOR SOME INDIAN BLACKJACK?!

Dungy: Ahem.

Ryan: I meantג¦ whoגs up for talking to some of the older Asian women there and having a serious and frank discussion of how gambling can negatively impact their lives and the lives of their children?

(looks at Dungy)

Dungy: (nods)

Sanchez: Sounds good, sir.

Ryan: Darn right it does! Sanchez, your new nickname this week is Enchilaג¦ WORKY! Itגs Worky, because you work do gosh darn hard!

Sanchez: Okay, sir.

Ryan: Did you do any WORKING this weekend, Nacho? Any HARD, FORCEFUL working?

Sanchez: Well, I did some light crossfit exercisesג¦.

Ryan: No, I meant WORK. You know, really just getting up and THRUSTING FORWARD WITH THE GREAT PLEASURE OF EFFORT?

Sanchez: Well, Iג¦

Ryan: Oh! Oh! Oh, little Worky here went off and worked some poor co-worker half to death! THATגS GREAT HUSTLE!

(slaps Sanchez on ass, HARD)

Sanchez: Ouch!

Ryan: YOU TOO, DUNGE!

(slaps Dungy on ass, HARD)

Dungy: Coach Ryan! Control yourself!

Ryan: Sorry, sir. But when I find out one of my players has been working EXTRA HARD AND REAL LONG, and using some of our newer equipment and stretch bands to do it, I get very excited.

Dungy: Well, I think Iגve heard enough. Iגd like to conduct that inspection now.

Ryan: By all means!

Dungy: (opens up field shed) What is this?

Ryan: Oh, that? Thatגs the voodoo doll. Yeah, I like to dress it up like that weekגs opponent and then we all take turns jerkiג¦ er, HUGGING it. We hug it, to practice sportsmanship and let the other team know we mean no harm.

Dungy: You realize that voodoo dolls are used for black magic and are frowned upon by the Holy Bible?

Ryan: Well, we practice White Magic with it only. Sort of a creamy, milky white magic. No black magic of any kind!

Dungy: And what about these whips?

Ryan: Weג¦ uhג¦ whip ourselves if we feel we havenגt served the Lord well that day. Old Oklahoma school trick.

Dungy: And these?

Ryan: Those are candles.

Dungy: And who are these women in here?

Ryan: They work in PR. Must be some kind of event going on today. I donגt really control that stuff.

Dungy: Oh really?

Ryan: Yep!

Dungy: Do you want to know what I think, Coach Ryan?

Ryan: Sure do!

Dungy: I think you are a fraud. I think youגve spent this entire day trying to deceive me, and I think you could barely muster the effort to do even that. I think you rely on unsound and immoral methods to train your men, and I do not approve. In fact, I plan on noting just that in my report. I think thisג¦ unclean and UNHOLY way of leading men will do nothing but lead to their eventual demise. It is not an ethical way of doing business, nor will it prove an effective one. Thatגs what I think.

Ryan: Really.

Dungy: Really.

Ryan: Well, would you like to know what I think, Dunge?

Dungy: Iגm all ears.

Sanchez: Oh, shit.

Ryan: I THINK YOUגRE A FUCKING PIECE OF LOSER WHO SLEPT THROUGH A TITLE RUN THANKS TO HIS QB DOING ALL THE FUCKING WORK! I THINK YOUגRE A MORAL AMBULANCE CHASER WHO LOOKS FOR ANY GODDAMN NEWS ITEM TO COME ALONG SO YOU CAN SPOUT OFF AND SOUND LIKE FUCKING BILLY GRAHAM AND SELL BOOKS TO A BUNCHA CHURCH-GOING DIPSHITS!

Dungy: You better watch yourself, Coach Ryan.

Ryan: Oh, what are you gonna do, Dead Eyes? Tsk me to death? Iגll run my fucking team my fucking way, and if you donגt like it, then youגd best get out of our fucking warpath. These men here? These men are fucking WINNERS. They fight! They kill! They fuck! Theyגre real fucking men, god dammit!

Dungy: Donגt take the Lordגs name in vain around me.

Ryan: GOD DAMMIT JESUS FINGERBLASTING MARY AND SHOOTING A LOAD IN HER FUCKING EYE! I donגt even know why I let you in here. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAMP, EGGHEAD. FUCKING OUT!

Dungy: Youגll regret this! This is all going into my report!

Ryan: You take that report, and you stuff it in your momגs musky twat! FUCK OFF, DUNGE! YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE! FUCK THE FUCK OUT!

Dungy: (huffs, leaves)

Everyone: (cheers)

Ryan: Fucking asshole. FUCKING BRING IT IN.

(everyone brings it in)

Ryan: Men, this world is filled with uptight sacks of shit like that. People who judge others because they donגt have the BALLS to be real fucking men like you and I. And they know it. They hate that you men can fight and fuck as you please. They envy you. They hate you for your freedoms. And so they sit there and they fucking JUDGE. But I know better. YOU MEN ARE FUCKING WINNERS. Great big-dicked winners who win games and break legs and make shitloads of big strong babies. I donגt want you boys taking any shit from fuckfaces like THAT. And if you see that fucker come near this practice field again, you better goddamn tear his oblong head off. Thereגs a thousand bucks in it for you. YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?

Everyone: Yes, sir!

Ryan: We are going to fucking destroy the world this year. Weגre gonna make it our lifeגs work to show the planet that there are still men out there who have the sack to take what they want and not give a fuck what anyone else thinks. ARE YOU WITH ME?!

Everyone: Yes, sir!

Ryan: ARE YOU READY TO KILLLLLLLLL?

Everyone: Yes, sir!

Ryan: ARE YOU READY TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF ANYONE WHO QUESTIONS YOU?

Everyone: Yes, sir!

Ryan: FUCKING HANDS IN!

(all hands in)

Ryan: FUCK DUNGE ON THREE! ONE TWO THREE!!

Everyone: FUCK DUNGE!

Ryan: That was great. I think I gotta go pray again.

Sanchez: You mean shit, right?

Ryan: YES I MEAN SHIT!

VideoKilledThe · Post by **VideoKilledThe** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:24 am

elohim wrote:Episode 3:
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=SJBZGUH0

still illiterate · Post by **still illiterate** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:06 pm

i really like that they focus on the bottom of the roster instead of just the superstars.

PopeyeJones · Post by **PopeyeJones** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:04 pm

elohim wrote:Jets & Mangold have agreed on a 7 year, $55 mil deal.

WAYYYYYYY too much $$ for a center. Any center.

Reason · Post by **Reason** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:37 pm

^^^
at face value u r right but its so hard to judge these nfl 'tracts

how much guaranteed of that 55? thats what matters

it's kinda odd that the :fail:

-loving jets have had four world class players since my fandom at two positions: 2 each at center and cornerback. (mawae/mangold & glenn/revis)

gpd i hope that cowlishaw rumor is true

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 9:58 pm

Reason wrote:how much guaranteed of that 55? thats what matters

Only $22.5 mil. It's also worth noting that the guarantee is against injury (surprisingly, no skill guarantee). It's not much more than what the Rams gave Jason Brown last year ($37.5 mil, 5 years, 20 mil guaranteed).

And fwiw, it's really an 8 year, $58 mil contract as Mangold will play out his rookie contract.

Spiccoli · Post by **Spiccoli** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:55 am

VideoKilledThe wrote:
elohim wrote:Episode 3:
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=SJBZGUH0

what is this ireel action that keeps popping up when i try and watch?

VideoKilledThe · Post by **VideoKilledThe** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:57 am

Mangold is an absolute beast, money well spent.

Prophecy · Post by **Prophecy** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 12:51 pm

Kid That's Lifeless wrote:Fun fact: I live in the apartment complex where Dungy's son killed himself.

I lived in campus lodge when that all went down. Crazy stuff.

PopeyeJones · Post by **PopeyeJones** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:00 pm

elohim wrote:
Reason wrote:how much guaranteed of that 55? thats what matters
Only $22.5 mil. It's also worth noting that the guarantee is against injury (surprisingly, no skill guarantee). It's not much more than what the Rams gave Jason Brown last year ($37.5 mil, 5 years, 20 mil guaranteed).

And fwiw, it's really an 8 year, $58 mil contract as Mangold will play out his rookie contract.

The problem is that it's a really goofy contract. It's 22.5 million guaranteed, but there's also a 10 million dollar option bonus before the 2011 season (which doesn't count toward the guaranteed money).

Basically, after two years he's guaranteed close to 40 of the 55 million.

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 6:11 pm

PopeyeJones wrote:The problem is that it's a really goofy contract. It's 22.5 million guaranteed, but there's also a 10 million dollar option bonus before the 2011 season (which doesn't count toward the guaranteed money).

Basically, after two years he's guaranteed close to 40 of the 55 million.

I didn't know about that. It's a fair enough argument, but the Jets think he's the best center in the league. So personally, I can't really be mad they locked him up long term for a marginal increase over what the highest paid center was getting.

still illiterate · Post by **still illiterate** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 7:33 pm

how is d'brickshaw fergueson doing?

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 7:55 pm

still illiterate wrote:how is d'brickshaw fergueson doing?

Ehh.. He's allowed a few sacks already in the preseason, but RT has looked a much bigger concern to me. I have no doubts Brick will be a brick when the season rolls along.

He obviously still got a much bigger deal than Mangold.

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:01 am

Episode was pretty great tonight. Disappointed there's only one more.

Couple Rex quotes:

There's a difference between having fun and being a jack ass. Our defense was a jack ass when we went to Hofstra, eating a bunch of fucking cheeseburgers before we go stretch. That's being a jack ass. You'll be a world champion, but not like this. We won't win it. We'll sit back and say, 'Why didn't we do it?' We didn't do it because where were our fucking priorities?

(a member of the team actually bought cheeseburgers from McDonald's for most of the D, dunno who that was right now). Santonio Holmes said some shit like "Damn, this is some ghetto ass team" during the scene when cats was eating the burgers.

How 'bout our offense? When are we going to put it together? Can we not run the ball down their throats every snap? Can we not throw it anytime we want to fucking throw it? Let's make sure we play like the fucking New York Jets, and not some fucking shit team. That's what I want to see tomorrow. Do we understand what the fuck I want to see tomorrow? Now let's go eat a god damn snack.

I'll try to post a link to it tmmo if i ain't beaten to the punch

craig · Post by **craig** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:08 am

tim cowlishaw is looking like a fool right now.

another funny quote was when he told d'angelo hall,"that's why my brother got rid of your ass!"

Website · Post by **Random Sample** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:46 am

"Let's go eat a god damn snack." maybe my favorite quote of the season so far. I was laughing so hard when Rex said that.

Gregg Popabitch · Post by **Gregg Popabitch** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:16 pm

Reason wrote: it's kinda odd that the -loving jets have had four world class players since my fandom at two positions: 2 each at center and cornerback. (mawae/mangold & glenn/revis)

curtis martin.

elohim · Post by **elohim** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:57 pm

Here's the ep for anyone interested:
http://www.megavideo.com/?d=SOGF1SY0

Reason · Post by **Reason** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:20 pm

Gilbert Subpoenas wrote:
Reason wrote: it's kinda odd that the -loving jets have had four world class players since my fandom at two positions: 2 each at center and cornerback. (mawae/mangold & glenn/revis)
curtis martin.

reading comprehension.

TWO EACH AT TWO POSITIONS.

elite. don't give me thomas jones. or adrian murrlol.

Reason · Post by **Reason** » Thu Sep 02, 2010 6:21 pm

craig wrote:t
another funny quote was when he told d'angelo hall,"that's why my brother got rid of your ass!"

might be my fav moment yet

talking (reasonable but concise) shit to an opposing player for an unnecessarily hard tackle by telling him "YOU SHOULD'VE DONE THAT AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE"

had me rofl'ing like crazy

BRAZ · Post by **BRAZ** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:42 am

Random Sample wrote:"Let's go eat a god damn snack." maybe my favorite quote of the season so far. I was laughing so hard when Rex said that.

that was priceless

id love to see hbo follow a team for a full season

Gregg Popabitch · Post by **Gregg Popabitch** » Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:38 am

Reason wrote:
Gilbert Subpoenas wrote:
Reason wrote: it's kinda odd that the -loving jets have had four world class players since my fandom at two positions: 2 each at center and cornerback. (mawae/mangold & glenn/revis)
curtis martin.
reading comprehension.

TWO EACH AT TWO POSITIONS.

elite. don't give me thomas jones. or adrian murrlol.

I'm not going to argue the slippery slope of semantics.

BTW, would you really consider Aaron Glenn world class?

YouTube · Post by **Philaflava** » Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:17 am

that long walk coles had in his street clothes in that hallway was depressing as hell.