Reggie's Favorite Horrible Movies

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:50 am

I've been watching shitty movies since I was seven years old. I was indoctrinated. My mom used to make my brother and me stay up to watch Plan 9 From Outer Space and Santa Claus vs. the Martians until we cried from exhaustion. "Why are you making us watch this?" we would plead. "It's so boring." She would just cackle and drink more wine and grin broadly, nodding towards the screen. Over time, I learned to like them, probably more than so-called "good" or "well-produced" or "coherent" movies. Yes, before I understood sarcasm, before Mystery Science Theater 3000, I sat through and enjoyed unadulterated garbage like The Beast of Yucca Flats. I'd like to share my top five of this broad genre of movies with you.

5. Gas-s-s-s (aka Gas! or It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save It)
1971, color
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Roger Corman made a lot of these weird "hippie" movies in the early 70's. He was about a day late and a dollar short (though, according to him, he never lost a dime). The scene above takes place at the beginning of a movie, when a weaponized gas that kills everyone over the age of twenty-five is accidentally released by the military. And, as you would suspect, there is widespread rejoicing and running while holding hands. The plot is pretty much pointless, a hippie struggles against youth archetypes in order to be a hippie. If you're like me, you'll be rooting for the jocks. The soundtrack is by Country Joe and the Fish, who make an appearance in the film!

4. Monster From Green Hell
1958, black & white
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This is one of my favorite misleading movie titles ever. And the best part is that it isn't even a bait-and-switch, it's not like the title is Bloody Gory Tits and you're like, "Wow! I gotta see that!" For one thing, it is not a monster, but several monsters, who are actually giant deformed wasps created by space radiation. Secondly, they aren't from Green Hell (a place in Africa, think of a quaint town like Green Hills or Greenvale except sweltering and infested with giant wasps), but from the good ol' U.S. of A, sent up into space in a test rocket which accidentally landed in Africa. That's right, The Man is fucking black folks again in this movie. You'll be drawn by the giant wasps (who are revealed in the movie trailer above, a bloody stupid thing to do), but you will stay for the twenty-plus minutes of pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo as these crackers try to out-cracker each other.

3. Plan 10 From Outer Space
1995, color
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"Wait, Reggie," you say, "don't you mean Plan 9 From Outer Space?" Nope. This is that next shit. And the best part is that it has nothing to do with the original Ed Wood classic. It's about a chick who uncovers an alien conspiracy uncovered by a discredited Mormon prophet and revealed through Masonic gestures and call signs. Not impressed? How about Karen Black? A Karen Black solo song? Hello? Is anyone still there? The movie blends unbelievable Mormon facts with ludicrous science fiction for a pleasing psychedelic film porridge. Pretty sure you need to be inebriated to enjoy this on any level.

2. The Human Tornado (aka Dolemite II)
1976, color
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This is one of the greatest exploitation movies ever made, it truly has something for everyone. Comedy. Dancing. Live music. Tits. Kung-fu fighting. Buff black dudes. Torture. Romance. Sex. A dude with nunchucks. Racism. Guns. And so much more. If you're not familiar with Rudy Ray Moore, you should get familiar with him and this is a great place to start. For an extra confusing and trippy effect, watch the VHS version which is edited so poorly and strangely that the movie makes almost no sense whatsoever.

1. Reptilicus
1961, color
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The clip above is actually the entire gist of the movie edited down to ten minutes, but it's got a lot more to offer than the simple tale of a giant prehistoric reptile that destroys Copenhagen. The film doubles as a kind of travelogue for Copenhagen, specifically the town of Tivoli, and features a ten-minute trip around the town that culminates in some Danish trick trying to sing "Tivoli Nights" in over-practiced English that sounds more like it's coming from a Jamaican grandmother. It features Olaf, overall-wearing clod who provides much comic relief from the first tense two-thirds of the movie, while the monster regenerates from his unearthed and thawed tail. There's professor who tries to pawn his two sexy daughters off on a brash U.S. Army General who wants to launch nukes as soon as he steps on the scene. Without those elements, you're missing the heart and soul of this movie, which is as much an enticement as it is a warning to potential tourists.

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:42 am

the only one i've seen is human tornado (i actually own that vhs), def teh crazies of all the rudy ray movies and that's saying a lot considering the existence of the Disco Godfather

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:54 am

drizzle wrote:the only one i've seen is human tornado (i actually own that vhs), def teh crazies of all the rudy ray movies and that's saying a lot considering the existence of the Disco Godfather

If you've never seen the DVD of Human Tornado, check it out. The movie suddenly has a linear plot.

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:02 pm

have you ever seen Black Samurai? Jim Kelly plays golf and karate fights midgets and a giant condor (srsly).

i'm trying to think of a name of this one movie you're pretty much guaranteed to love, it's a zgrade 70s horror about an insane obese woman who starts killing people and eating them when they tell her to go on a diet

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:08 pm

Black Samurai I have seen, it is amazing. Kind of high-budget compared to these other flicks.

The other movie sounds godly, please provide a title asap.

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:15 pm

You mean Criminally Insane?

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drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:17 pm

YES, spartan u da man. couldn't remember the name for shit, it was killing me

Roy Johnson · Post by **Roy Johnson** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:25 pm

Combo7 · Post by **Combo7** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:26 pm

In a post-apocalyptic world where the Russians have taken over a nuked USA and Elvis is king of Lost Vegas, "Six-String Samurai" chronicles the tale of Buddy, a hero who's a '50s rocker and wandering warrior rolled into one, too-cool package. Armed with his six-string in one hand and his sword in the other, Buddy is on his way to Vegas to succeed Elvis as King. Along the way, he saves an orphan who decides to play tag-along to his rescuer. What follows is the road trip from hell.

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:36 pm

^ i would speculate this is far from a horrible movie. it's obviously made for about 10$ total, but they do it really well. imo, one of the better 'cult' movies made since the 90s or so

rooski · Post by **rooski** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:01 pm

I used to have a box set (VHS) of Rudy Ray Moore movies. It had Dolemite, The Human Tornado, Petey Wheatstraw, Disco Godfather and a couple of others I can't remember. Glorious set.

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:17 pm

Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son In Law is an amazing movie for advanced Rudy Ray Moore fans. It's like a Shakespearean play in three acts, if Shakespeare smoked a lot of dust and employed racist stereotypes.

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:22 pm

Reggie wrote:It's like a Shakespearean play in three acts, if Shakespeare smoked a lot of dust

the surprise ending leans into greek tragedy too

and by the above logic, Disco Godfather is the play Shakespeare wrote after he got clean of the Wack

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:27 pm

Fun fact: The original title of the movie was going to be The Revenging Disco Godfather, but Rudy Ray Moore changed it to The Avenging Disco Godfather because disco godfathers never seek revenge.

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:10 pm

i did not know that

let's see, what else could go in here

how about

not sure if zappa named the album after teh movie or vice versa

the part of flesh ripping giant weasel was played by a rolled up gym mat with eyes and teeth drawn on with a marker

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:11 pm

For Your Consideration:

Day of the Animals (1977)
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Leslie Nielsen deserved an Oscar for this shit.

Fight For Your Life (1977)
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:copy:

The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)
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Bigfoot yo!

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)
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Cannibalism is a virus!!!

The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)
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Whitesnake videos bitch!!!

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:13 pm

gwendolyn is

surprisingly high production values though

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:29 pm

Spartan wrote:Fight For Your Life (1977)
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this looks amazing

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:58 pm

Can't find any videos for this but Jess Franco's Devil Hunter aka Sexo can

rooski · Post by **rooski** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:04 pm

Reggie wrote:
Spartan wrote:Fight For Your Life (1977)
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this looks amazing

What else is the main white guy in?

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:09 pm

William Sanderson.

Blade Runner and Deadwood

rooski · Post by **rooski** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:14 pm

Blade Runner's where I know him from. Thanks.

Reggie · Post by **Reggie** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:20 pm

Holy shit, here's Karen Black's solo song from Plan 10 From Outer Space.

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CHANCE RANDOM · Post by **CHANCE RANDOM** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:29 pm

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:33 pm

Reggie wrote:Holy shit, here's Karen Black's solo song from Plan 10 From Outer Space.

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Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:32 pm

Nail Gun Massacre is one of those movies I've heard and read about but never seen.

How's about this one

Rape Squad (aka Act of Vengeance aka The Violator aka They Call Me Mr Dids)

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The Mr Dids one isn't true but I wish it was

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 1:43 pm

if you wanna go that way with it

they made like 5 of these

hongkong cat 3 movies often make most american exploitation (except maybe roughies) look like disney shit

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:00 pm

Forced Entry

drizzle · Post by **drizzle** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:12 pm

^^^yup, that's pretty much exactly what i was talking about as far as roughies.

then again, there's shit like ebola syndrome, which comes wiht this synopsys: A restaurant employee murders his boss and mutilates his wife, he escapes to South Africa where he rapes a Zulu-girl, who is infected with the ebola virus. In the restaurant where he now works he murders his boss and the bosses wife after raping her. He chops them up and makes them into hamburgers, which he sells in the restaurant, spreading the ebola virus.

cooking and rape, that's dids' to the t

not to sound like a pussy or anything, i can get down with a ridiculous amount of gore and sleaze but roughies and jap torture movies never really did anything for me. gotta draw the line somewhere

Spartan · Post by **Spartan** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:56 pm

Sounds like a more fucked up version of Bun Man.

I do quite enjoy some sleazy horror and exploitation flicks, but overall all that gore for gore's sake and rape rape shit really isn't my cup of tea either. Films with needless real animal cruelty too. Goes against my principles. Would rather chill with a cup of cha, a bunch of roll-ups and a good old fashioned and very dated Hammer flick.