Aethetical-Hades wrote:
Keep this up and stay blessed...my fellow Okayplayer....
bah! who are u on okayplayer?
peace jew. lol thanx...this took like 15 minutes.
Based on the soundtrack from Madden 06, okplayer is now a slang term for fresh kats.
Interesting drop, by the way.
On a side note, stating how much time it took to write the piece is kind of like making an excuse for any short-comings a reader might bring to the thread. I see it as this: any person who doesn't know how to read a piece and take it for what it is(if said piece is written by someone with credibility ,such as yourself) than they shouldn't be reading it.
360 wrote:
On a side note, stating how much time it took to write the piece is kind of like making an excuse for any short-comings a reader might bring to the thread. I see it as this: any person who doesn't know how to read a piece and take it for what it is(if said piece is written by someone with credibility ,such as yourself) than they shouldn't be reading it.
I dont know if this is intended to be a jab or insult at me ,but I see it as that.
The reason i asked that was out of respect for the mans ability and as someone who trys to write I was curious. If a cat posts there work on a message board various reactions are to be expected and anyone is completely entitled to read and have questions and opinions on that piece. The notion that someone shouldnt read it if they arent going to take it for what it is,is absurd! Thats whats done in school and in life by people who enjoy growing . I was seeking some background information on it and my question was sincere.
[quote]Theres no sense to my lines I got Helen Keller rhymes
The soundtrack to my lifes on random like wind chimes
It ebbs and flows, comes and goes. Doors open and close
Stack dominoes just to watch
kiss this brilliant fist, pounding the face of normalcy
normalcy, the first time I heard that word was last weekend, I was hanging out with this fly chick and she mentioned that word in some drunken sentence, and I read it in this piece! Awesome......
you guys are the same what? arthropod? exoskeleton stronhold? of course, you can out with timmy tonight. just don't slam the door when you come in.
grandma is still recuperating from her base jumping expedition at famous billboards. My favorite is the Serta sleeper that folds into my dauschanud
This is brilliant as well as humerous. I should have quoted but this is all very humerous. You know you get the thumbs up from me. I don't even need to say it.
360 wrote:
On a side note, stating how much time it took to write the piece is kind of like making an excuse for any short-comings a reader might bring to the thread. I see it as this: any person who doesn't know how to read a piece and take it for what it is(if said piece is written by someone with credibility ,such as yourself) than they shouldn't be reading it.
I dont know if this is intended to be a jab or insult at me ,but I see it as that.
The reason i asked that was out of respect for the mans ability and as someone who trys to write I was curious. If a cat posts there work on a message board various reactions are to be expected and anyone is completely entitled to read and have questions and opinions on that piece. The notion that someone shouldnt read it if they arent going to take it for what it is,is absurd! Thats whats done in school and in life by people who enjoy growing . I was seeking some background information on it and my question was sincere.
Why would you think this was directed at you? I quoted RBG, you just happened to be at the top of it. Also, it wasn't a jab nor was it an insult. If it was an insult, I wouldn't have taken the time to write what I did in parenthesis. I think you should read what I wrote one more time.
[quote="hired gun"]The first line is a little cliched but this:
[quote]Theres no sense to my lines I got Helen Keller rhymes
The soundtrack to my lifes on random like wind chimes
It ebbs and flows, comes and goes. Doors open and close
Stack dominoes just to watch
In a sickness a fever
I fought for you, thought of you
in a slight dementia
dizziness, lightheadedness
struggling to breathe,
heart beating rapidly
my vaguely hallucinating mind
conjured dazzling imageries of you
punchdrunk and swaying
weary, vertiginous
my fist resolved to jab determinedly
to persevere, to deliver blow after blow
to the virgin face of the loosejaw
leaving splotches of blued flesh with each
landed.
I shiver I convulse
violently and repeatedly
I let loose a furious barrage of
a flurry a deluge
of fierce stabbings and
wild wailings upon my stern and
vicious adversary.
Whose knees will wobble first?
Who'll embrace the canvas face first?
Whose plot of earth beneath his feet will give way
before that of his opponent?
Lights dance
night encloses
and the sound of
the count bellowing out of the referee's megaphone mouth
diminuendos into a deadening silence of involuntary slumber.
Angel of normalcy
Model of mainstreamness
Neatly and carefully packaged
Inoffensively and modestly presented
nothing garish, eccentric
perhaps shyly awkward
yet this awkwardness is strangely endearing
peculiarly enticing
Her mystery begs to be unfolded
Her slight uneasiness is a thin sheet of ice to be melted away
unleashing a voracious beast that lays somewhere inside
beneath the ice - warm laughter, sure passionate caresses, and eyes who dance delightfully as if to make their feet fall off
Her person is characterized thus:
fair and slowly assured hands
linked to slight, girlish wrists
gesutres contemplative and disarming in their deliberateness.
smile gentle and easy
lips a budding rose
serene arctic face where fingertips like brave explorers atremble would tiptoe
Might my fingers be made of stuff
stern enough to endure the cold
to last through to that lovely sensation of the pristine and smooth surface
waiting to be touched just right
waiting to know what is lush.
there is a human drive to try and make our surroundings seem static even when we know better. there is always a condition in the atmosphere. that's why your work is so important. your poems are like the glitch in the human holodeck. With most other poems (often penned by famous dead poets) i feel like i
norte
or
fug
net
ten
urn
gen
froe
front
toner
rouge
ton
unto
rune
utero
toru
tofu
get
on
ro
re
ER
ego
fun
nez
nut
neo
negro
rent
runt
rug
tog
to
froze
frog
turn
fro
fetor
one
fog
uren
uno
un
tore
tone
note
grot
futz
zero
zen
no
turf
gun
tug
go
fern
got
gore
gone
nor
not
oren
nero
of
rot
run
rut
all right...that's enough for now.
Last edited by Gut Frozen on Sun Oct 23, 2005 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Urges submerged
A shriveled breast that wants to lactate
And just then
I swear to god in heaven I think see her
Bathed in brilliance
Uses the eastern winds for blankets
sunlights and carried in on sea foam
Miles away she's spotted, forthcoming goddess
Where was my forewarning?
the new venus de milo
An infant nearly aborted by the ocean
They'll shoot out thorns for bullets
A fledgling infantry looking for action
Rudimentary form of ruthlessness
